


Dream theory

by primesjive



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: #and okay brian sort of has short hair in this but he's working on growing it out, #brian can't play piano even tho real brian can, #college au, #rog is a piano slut, #rog is painfully awkward + self-destructive yikes, #very au, M/M, and harry potter/doctor who etc, he's just obnoxious and their personalities clash, i'm a bit mean to brian at first but i promise he's actually a very sweet guy, not as much about dreams as one might assume, rog gives off big introvert vibes, so au that brian likes edm music, this is MODERN so i mention stuff like panic! at the disco and twenty one pilots, this is a personality swap with my normal bri and rog dynamics: bri is energetic and loud
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2020-11-27 18:22:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20952884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primesjive/pseuds/primesjive
Summary: Brian and Roger meet in a course about dreams and film.





	1. Part one

Roger didn’t hate him, per se. He was intrigued. But he also sort of hated him, this strange, tall creature who wouldn’t stop talking about Panic! At The Disco. At first Roger had been convinced the two of them were soulmates. But then the dude just kept talking. And talking. 

To backtrack, this was going down during Roger’s new class on dreams in film. He’d never taken a film class before, but as it was his last quarter before graduating he needed to satisfy a certain number of credits. The course description listed Christopher Nolan as one of the directors they’d be studying, so that was all the motivation Roger had needed. Anyway, the professor forced them into a circle and now they were all introducing themselves by name and favorite piece of ‘dream art’: it could be a book, a movie, a TV show, music — however they interpreted the question. 

Roger hated shit like this.He gave a weak mumble about an episode of Doctor Who: _ it’s about a collective dream we share: the monster hiding under our bed_. _ It becomes a question of whether the monster is real or not, and for a moment they think it is. But it’s really about loneliness and wanting to believe something’s there that's not, merely because silence, and the concept of being truly alone, is a more terrifying alternative. _

Everyone stared at him. The professor — Rob, as they were to call him — had said: “hmm, interesting,” before thankfully moving on. So yeah, then it eventually landed on a gangly guy with a long nose and dark, wavy hair. Roger swore he felt the air shift as the guy inhaled. And then launched into an articulate speech about the P!ATD album _ Pretty Odd _ as if he had prepared it weeks in advance. Apparently one of the songs was based on a dream. Roger just gaped at him. _ Pretty Odd _ happened to be Roger’s _favorite _ P!ATD album, but it was less-loved than the others. The guy’s name was Brian and he’d moved on to talking about how his mom was a musician and his dad used to own a venue or something. Roger glazed over. Brian was also _ wearing _a P!ATD shirt, might he add. He’d never heard someone speak with such gusto, especially on the first day of class. It was a little alarming. Roger found himself somehow both turned on by the subject matter and turned off by its delivery.

Roger thought about approaching Brian after class. It tended to be fan’s least favorite album, and that alone seemed reason enough. But what could be said? _ Nice rant, Pretty Odd doesn’t get the love it deserves. _So he just followed Brian out of the classroom door and headed in the opposite direction. He’d have to keep an eye on that one. 

\---

Within a few days of term starting Roger was sick. He didn’t catch colds very often, but when he did he could hardly function for weeks. He would drag himself to class drugged up on DayQuil and zone out for the duration of the lecture. He wasn’t warming up to his dream theory course much. The readings were interesting, at least. They started with Freud, who Roger had studied recently but never in relation to dream interpretation. The class itself though… Rob’s new system was to have them do small group discussions with who they sat around and then get into the big circle for full class discussion. Roger hated the circles. He despised them, as well as a majority of the students in the class. And Brian sat near him. He hated that, too. Brian sat one seat up in the row next to him. 

So that’s how he found himself in a small group with Brian and some girl who had the type of glasses that magnified the size of her eyes. Brian whipped his desk right ‘round and lent on an elbow toward Roger. The sick fog lifted momentarily. 

“What’s your name, then?”

Roger tried to hide his cough behind his hand as he looked away from Brian. Clearly he hadn’t made an impression on the class with his weird Doctor Who answer. What a relief. 

“Uh, Roger.”

“Cool shirt, Roger.”

It wasn’t, not really. He looked down at the black and white striped shirt; it had a mock collar, maybe that was cool? But then he regretted it as snot started to trickle down his naval canal. Roger pressed the sleeve of his jacket against his nose and forgot to respond. Thankfully, Brian had already moved on to his interrogation of big-eyed girl. They started up a debate about something or other regarding the reading. Roger wasn’t really listening. The girl was one of those who thought Freud was ridiculous and outdated and only about penis envy. Brian didn’t quite agree. Roger propped up his chin on his fist and gazed somewhere over Brian’s shoulder. 

“What do you think, Roger?”

“Huh? Oh uh…” Another weak cough against his hand. He cleared his throat a few times. 

“I mean, Freud isn’t _ just _ penis envy and castration anxiety. He’s got a book called _ Totem and Taboo _, right, where he discusses theories on the origins of socialization and how civilized culture began. It’s still about sex, but it’s more interesting than some of the ‘sex with mom’ shit.”

Brian was practically wiggling in his seat. “Say that name again?”

Roger braced himself for the oncoming storm, hands clenched over the sides of his chair: “_ Totem and Taboo _.”

Brian nodded excitedly, scribbling down the name in his notebook. “Can you—”

Blessedly, Rob clapped his hands and announced small group discussions were over before Brian could question Roger further. 

\---

Roger liked the guy who had started sitting in front of him (and therefore next to Brian), John. Him and John chatted most days about various things: music, cars, books, fashion. He was pretty much the only person in the class Roger liked. There were a lot of what Roger would call _ pretentious _ people. Talked too much and gave him a headache. They were smart and everything, Roger just preferred to listen to the professor. During one class period, for example, Rob had them try out a spell of what he called _ automatic writing_. He dimmed the lights and lit candles. They were supposed to write without thinking, a practice utilized by some of the writers of the dream films they’d been studying. In theory, it would help them connect to a deeper, unconscious mind akin to dreaming and dream ideas. 

Roger’s ended up being a messy, weird poetic thing about his dog back home. About the dog singing and trying to swallow the moon whole. Brian, unsurprisingly, let the class know he had tried such processes before and didn’t believe it actually came close to tapping into the unconscious. But nevertheless, he gave them a run-down on some of the stuff he’d come up with in his writing sessions. Roger let out a long sigh and checked the time. Still an hour. Rob was spineless when it came to redirecting the conversation. He seemed more interested in having students generate ideas that he would write down in his notebook for future classes than teach them anything at all. 

“Are you free later?” John muttered to Roger over Brian’s unending speech. “Me and a few friends are screening _ Annihilation _ in the big auditorium by the Subway.”

Roger smiled in delight. He hadn’t made many friends at college other than his housemate Freddie and his fellow student co-workers in the Financial Aid Office where he worked. 

“Definitely. Text me the time?”

_ Annihilation _ was the movie adaptation of a book John had gotten him into by Jeff Vandermeer. He’d lent him his copy when Roger mentioned his love of sci-fi novels. He was instantly enamored with it and the two of them had been discussing the possibility of watching the film for the past few weeks. When Roger looked back at Brian — who was still talking — the tall man’s eyes were on him. Roger froze in surprise. He glanced around the room and everyone else was either pretending to look down at the reading or staring off into space. Roger supposed he did tend to be one of the few people who would actually watch Brian the entire time he was speaking. It was a curiosity and a compulsion. It fascinated him, how well Brian could immediately put his ideas into words. And then keep going. 

\---

Roger couldn’t believe he let it all start because of Twenty One Pilots. He walked into class one day, Brian in his usual spot and John not there yet. It never would’ve happened had John been there. And so Brian was wearing a long-sleeved Twenty One Pilots shirt from the _ Blurryface _era. Caught off guard by this (the P!ATD shirts he was used to), Roger couldn’t help but stare at him as he approached the gap between his row of desks and Brian’s. Brian subsequently looked up at Roger and gave him a soft, closed-mouth smile, the corners of his lips turning up as their eyes met. Roger smiled back automatically. Alright, so maybe Brian was a little bit cute. 

Roger sat down and tapped his fingers against his desk for a few beats, gaze trained on the back of Brian’s head. 

“So what did you think of _ Trench_?”

Maybe not Roger’s best move, speaking at someone who had their back to him. But, as he had anticipated, Brian whipped around immediately in order to discuss Twenty One Pilots’ most recent album. "It's pretty good, but I prefer _ Blurryface_.”

“Ah,” Roger breathed out. “I actually think I like _ Trench _more. Not that I think it’s better, necessarily.” 

Brian was turned toward him, elbows on his knees. “Oh I think music is too subjective for anything to be ‘better.’ _ Blurryface _ came out at a time in my life where I connected to the themes on a deeper level than _ Trench _.”

Roger nodded. “That’s fair. 16 year old me vibed with _ Blurryface _ in a big way. I was just ready for how fresh _Trench _sounds after years of listening to their old stuff.”

Brian paused at that. “16 year old? How old are you?”

“Uh, I’m 20 now.”

“Gotcha. I’m 22.”

Roger could pretend like that had no effect on him, that he wasn’t automatically more interested in Brian because he was older. But that would be a lie. And Roger tended to go through moods and days where he was more talkative than others, days when he wanted to chat to everyone and days when he would lock himself in his room for hours at a time and zone out during classes. Today was a chatty day. For whatever reason, he _ wanted _to keep talking to Brian. So he preened. He preened and he casually pushed his jacket to the side so the Weezer logo on his shirt was more visible. Brian’s eyes were still on him.

“So you like Weezer, huh? Me too.” 

They talked about music up until Rob came in and queued the lecture presentation on the screen. John came in at some point and shot Roger a surprised look as he took his seat. Thankfully, it was a day of _ actual _ lecture, and Roger didn’t have to work in a small group with Brian. As thrilling as their pre-class chat had been, it didn’t mean Roger felt ready for a head-to-head debate over the reading with the guy. John looked like he was itching to question Roger about what had happened all throughout the class period, but he had to run to work as soon as class ended since it was a Monday. Which left Roger vulnerable to Brian’s post-class approach as well. And sure enough, Brian stood up and edged his way towards Roger, already babbling about a band he used to be in a few years back.

Roger accepted his fate and stopped trying to get past Brian to the exit. 

“So you play an instrument then?”

Brian nodded, “Guitar. I’ve played ever since I was a kid.”

Again, Roger couldn’t pretend _ that _ had no effect on him either. “That’s cool. I do drums. And piano. I play mediocre guitar as well.”

Brian lit up in every way possible, Roger slowly backing towards the door. He actually had to get to work too; he’d forgotten. 

“We’ve got to jam together sometime!”

“Oh, I uh, I’m not too great.”

Brian continued to look delighted. “Well as I can do neither drums or piano, you’re still better than me.”

Roger just gave him a weak smile. “Yeah, that could be cool. I’ve got to head to work.”

“Alright! See you later, Roger.”

“See you,” Roger mumbled, already halfway out the door. 

He was, admittedly, distracted at work. His supervisor Lana noticed right away.

“Hey, Rog.” Lana perched herself on the edge of his desk. “You good?”

“Yes! Sorry, I spaced out for a minute.”

She laughed. “Don’t worry, kid. You’re my favorite. What’s up? You look a little starstruck.”

“Oh it’s nothing. Just this guy in my class.”

“_Ooh… _” 

“Not like that! I think he’s trying to friendship-court me.”

“Or court you, court you. _ Romantically _.”

Roger groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “He wants to play music together,” he mumbled into his palms.

“Yeah, I’ll bet he does.”

“_Lana_! Christ!”

“Is he cute?”

“Well… yeah. Yes.”

“You’re cute. He’s cute. Meant to be.”

“We’re opposites, Lana. I don’t know how to interact with him. I’ve never met anyone like him. He’s just so…_ loud_.”

“Rog,” Lana put a hand on his shoulder and he finally uncovered his face. “We’re all just people, yeah?”

He directed his smile towards the computer monitor. “Yeah.”

\---

John was a film student. This was unfortunate for Roger in only one, big way. Though the dream class was three days a week, Monday/Wednesday/Friday, Rob also required them to meet in one of the auditoriums on campus every Tuesday to watch a film that he paired with their readings. But since John had two other film classes, the Tuesday screenings overlapped with another class’s screenings. He’d talked to Rob before the beginning of the term and Rob had agreed to wave it for him since the class in question was his very important final seminar, and he trusted John would watch the required films on his own. 

In short, that meant Roger had to sit by himself every Tuesday. It wasn’t unusual or anything. In fact, most people sat on their own for the screenings other than the few who were actually friends. So he sat on the left side towards the back during each screening, half-paying attention half-daydreaming since he knew he wouldn’t be speaking up in class about it anyway. This Tuesday, the day after him and Brian had their music chat, he sat where he normally did. Brian was sitting where he normally did as well, in the front on the right side. 

The film they were watching was interesting enough to capture Roger’s attention — lots of naked people hanging out on a bed in the middle of an empty field. Nevertheless, it was impossible not to watch when Brian stood up in the middle of the film. His tall, lean form momentarily blocked a section of the screen, but he quickly moved to the side aisle against the wall. Roger watched him out of the corner of his eye, curious. Brian began climbing the stairs up towards the back. Once he got to the row Roger was in, though separated by the middle aisle, he began making his way down. There was no one else sitting in the aisle, and for moment Roger thought Brian would really be bold enough to come sit by him. Brian stopped though, one seat from the middle aisle, several seats separating the two of them. 

Roger had a hard time focusing on the rest of the film. It was too dark to be _ certain _ that Brian knew he was sitting there, or if he was looking at Roger. Roger had a hunch though. He waited a minute as the credits rolled before standing. Brian too, stood. The other man timed it perfectly so that the two met in the middle aisle.

“Roger, hey!”

“Hey Brian,” Roger replied, giving up and falling into step with the taller man as they made their way down the stairs. 

They chatted briefly about the film until reaching the outside of the building. Roger automatically started walking to the left towards the parking lot where his car was parked, about a ten minute walk from the auditorium. He — not that he ever _ watched _Brian or anything — knew Brian normally went to the right towards the bus stop. He therefore expected Brian to say his goodbyes, but he only turned and continued walking by Roger’s side.

“Oh, I’m going this way too. Don’t worry, I’m not stalking you or anything.”

Roger let out an awkward chuckle at that. “I wasn’t, uh, I wouldn’t have thought you were.”

Brian was chatting away about how much he loved the class and how obsessed he was with all the theories, etc. “I don’t really have strange dreams, I’ve got to admit.” Roger eventually said. “Mine are pretty basic. Slightly weirder recreations of my day or things I’m worried about. They’re never worth analyzing.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Brian smiled down at him, “I’m sure you make a fascinating subject to analyze.”

Roger quickly turned his face from Brian’s, unsure how to respond and desperately trying to stop his cheeks from flushing. 

“I’ve got to tell you,” Brian changed the subject, “I really like your style. You dress like you’re in a band. I appreciate it and enjoy seeing you every day.”

“Oh,” Roger stuttered, “Thank you. That’s quite a compliment.”

“So you’re in a band, then?”

“No, no. I wish."

“We could start one!”

Roger should’ve seen that coming. He didn’t really know what was going on or how to interpret Brian’s newfound interest in him. He was honestly still intimidated by the tall man. He didn’t feel ready to be his friend yet.

“I’m not very good at playing with other people. I played with my sister once. Just Coldplay stuff, nothing serious.”

“I respect that,” Roger struggled to meet Brian’s intense gaze, “just let me know if you’re interested. I’ve actually been getting into music production recently.”

Roger chuckled a little, looking down at the grass as they crossed the big lawn towards the parking lot. “Yeah? I used to do the whole Soundcloud thing in high school. Made some shitty covers.”

Brian stopped walking and put his hand up. “Hold up. I _ have _ to check that out. Is it under your name?” 

“God no, you’d probably never be able to find it. I’d have to send it to you.”

“Let’s swap then. Mine for yours.”

The wind was blowing Roger’s hair around his face and he let it, eyeing up Brian between the blonde strands. He _ never _let people listen to Soundcloud. He wasn’t ashamed, he just… not many people had heard his voice. He actually was proud of some of the covers, and had spent many hours layering vocals and playing around with the effects on Audacity, the free and basic recording program he used.

“Alright, deal.”

“You do text or Facebook?”

“_Never _ Facebook. Text is fine.”

Roger was aware he was getting Brian’s number, that he was giving Brian _ his _number. He wasn’t sure if this was a smooth move or if they genuinely were only going to exchange Soundclouds. So dumb, that he was scared to give this guy his number.

Brian was already tugging his phone out of his jeans and talking to himself: “_Shit_. I think it’s dead. No wait, it’s turning on.”

Roger just watched him. 

“Here,” Brian was smiling with all his teeth, pushing his phone into Roger’s hand and plucking Roger’s out of his own. At some point Roger had opened up a new contact, though he didn’t remember doing so. 

He typed his name and number into Brian’s phone, looking up at the taller man. 

“I’m going to put my name as '_Brian from dreams' _so you know which Brian I am. Not that I — not that I’m saying you _ dream about me _.” 

Roger thought about an episode of _ Friends_. The one where Rachel decides to tell Ross she’s still in love with him despite him being married to another woman. She immediately starts laughing after the confession, and when he questions her about it, replies that when she spoke the words it was as if she floated up out of her body and watched the scene from above. She couldn’t help but laugh at the sight below. 

Though Roger hadn’t been the one speaking, he felt he could understand Rachel in that moment. His jaw dropped a little before he let out another uncomfortable laugh. Seemed like he was doing that a lot around Brian. 

“Uh. That’s alright. You’re the only Brian I know.”

“Really?” The two boys returned the phones to one another. “I feel like there’s tons of Brian’s.”

Roger just shrugged.

“Well, I’ve got to head off that-a-ways,” Brian gestured vaguely to the left of the parking lot. They said their goodbyes — a wave from Roger — and he headed to his car. 

Roger sat in front of the wheel for a while, watching through the windshield as Brian turned around and started heading back in the direction of where they’d come from. To catch a bus, no doubt. He sighed and looked down at his phone, adding the little red guitar emoji next to Brian’s name. 

\---

Roger didn’t text Brian. In fact, the Soundclouds didn’t come up when they saw each other in class the whole week. Things were as they always were. Roger chatted with John and sometimes Brian, sometimes all three of them talked. Not much happened. Roger hated himself for being disappointed.

So that’s how he ended up logging into his Soundcloud for the first time in forever on Saturday morning. He was in the library doing homework. But that lasted about ten minutes before he was scrolling through his own account. He plugged his headphones in and proceeded to listen to all twenty of his covers. He deleted the ones he wasn’t happy with, or where he was singing more aggressively. He definitely was _ not _ready for someone he knew in real life to hear that. For whatever reason, him two years ago was mostly only interested in singing love songs by The Beatles and making mashups of Bowie songs on the ukulele. 

But, in a moment of weakness, he copied the link. He prefaced the text to Brian with some bullshit about how he’d forgotten they were going to exchange Soundclouds. 

Roger put his phone away for a while, hid it in his bag and fought the urge to check it. He dutifully worked away on a paper for a class that was _ not _about films or dream theories. For about an hour. He decided to reward himself with a Twitter break.

There were multiple messages from Brian lighting up the home screen. Maybe Roger pounced, maybe he didn’t. Some were regarding his own Soundcloud, others telling Roger which of Brian’s tracks to listen to and which to disregard. Most of them were original songs. 

Roger read through the ones about his own Soundcloud — Brian had praised his voice and labeled it ‘distinctive,’ said his covers sounded just as professional as Brian’s despite not using proper recording equipment. Roger drummed his fingers on the table, smiling down at the texts. _ Shit_. 

He started at the beginning with Brian’s, disregarding whether the man had told him to or not to listen to certain tracks. They were — _wow_. Intense. More electronic/EDM than he had been anticipating. But the guitar bits, they always came in hot, soaring over the backing instrumentals and stealing the show. It was clear, after just a few tracks, that Brian had _ talent _ and somehow already managed to develop a unique and recognizable tone. Roger swore some more.

And that’s when he stumbled into the tracks that actually had vocals. 

\---

Roger wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he walked into class on Monday. He assumed it would be like last week, where him and Brian maybe had the occasional interaction, but nothing more. He didn’t know exactly what he wanted from Brian anyway, so that was fine with him. 

They had messaged back and forth a bit after exchanging Soundclouds. Mostly about Brian’s music and then a little bit about films, since Brian often got inspired by movie scores. Brian mentioned one —_The Abyss —_ that didn't necessarily have great music but he thought Roger would enjoy. Roger told him he’d have to watch it sometime and the conversation petered out. 

Roger got to class before Brian and spent the whole time picking at a hangnail. He let out a sigh of relief when John got there, and the two started chatting about Jeff Vandermeer’s newest novel. When Brian finally did come in, all long limbs and soft eyes, he swiveled to face the two of them. He listened for a while before addressing Roger: “You know you really should watch _ The Abyss_. It’s a bit sci-fi.”

“Is it? I thought it was a submarine movie.”

John, who apparently had already seen it, shared some sort of knowing look with Brian. Great. “He’s right, Rog. I think you’d like it.”

Brian, apparently, deemed it a good opportunity to give Roger’s shoulder a playful punch. “Hey, if you want a movie partner I’d be happy to watch it with you. I’ve got popcorn! Or if you want to do it solo, I respect that too.”

John just watched the two of them with a smirk on his face. 

“Oh, uh. Yeah, maybe.”

Rob and his impeccable timing once again, waltzed in to start class before Roger could say much more. _ Shit _.

\---

_The Abyss_ didn’t come up again. Roger knew it fell to him to accept the invitation. His mom was always telling him he’d never make friends or get dates if he didn’t actively appear interested. But he was going home that weekend, and any minuscule ounce of courage he might’ve had that day he texted Brian first, had dissipated. And he wasn’t sure yet if he _ was _interested.

Him and Brian had sat together though, on the Tuesday movie. He was in his normal spot near the back and Brian trekked all the way up to where Roger was and into the row in front of him for a chat.

“I actually processed your scholarship application today,” Roger told him, “I work in the financial aid office.” 

“Really?” That got Brian back out into the aisle. “Do you — can I sit next to you?” 

Roger nodded. This was uncharted territory. He felt Rob’s eyes on them, other classmates looking over their shoulders in surprise. As he’d said, people rarely sat together during the film screenings, and especially not the loudest and quietest individuals in the class. 

They were watching _ Mulholland Drive _, a two-hour-and-twenty-seven minute film. Perfect. He’d probably be drenched in sweat by the end. 

Roger hadn’t actually known Brian’s last name up until work earlier that day. He had been alphabetizing the scholarship applications and so of course seeing the name ‘Brian’ had made him pause. He didn’t _ read _ the application, only flipped through it. The references from professors were absolutely glowing. Curious now, he logged into his online school account where all his course information and assignments were. And also, class lists. There was only one Brian in the class. _ Brian May_. Roger checked the name on the application. Yep.

Maybe he’d skimmed the essay, too. Which was terrible of him, and probably unethical, but he couldn’t help himself. And that’s when he decided maybe he _ should _ make the effort to befriend Brian, or at the very least respond positively to Brian’s efforts to befriend him. Brian had written — from what Roger gathered by glancing over it — a passionate and involved discussion about how Jeff Buckley was his idol both as a person and as a musician. Roger’s jaw dropped and it took him a few moments to compose himself. It again had him wondering if him and Brian were soulmates. But, for whatever reason, his knee-jerk reaction around Brian seemed to be an unenthused ‘_maybe’ _in the face of all offers. 

So, in consideration of the information he had acquired, he attempted to chat Brian up. They joked about him bribing the scholarship committee for a bit before Rob turned the lights off and started the film. 

Maybe Roger was merely being dramatic, or maybe he couldn’t deny that he at the very least found Brian attractive, but he swore there was a weird energy between the two of them. He felt too aware of Brian’s presence next to him, of when he huffed out a laugh or shifted his position. Roger had his feet propped up on the armrest of the chair in the row in front of them, and Brian’s legs were so long that his knee occasionally brushed against Roger’s calf. Sometimes their shoulders touched. Roger was hardly even watching the film. He wondered if Brian had been affected too, or if it was all in Roger’s head. 

When it came time to leave though, Brian only waved at him and left in his usual direction. They didn’t walk together to the parking lot, he didn’t try and invite Roger over for a movie or set up a jam session. So maybe Roger had missed his chance. Maybe he’d given up on them being friends. Rover had dragged his sneakers against the cement all the way to his car. He couldn’t say whether it was for better or worse. 

His housemate Freddie thought he should go for it with Brian, no surprise there. Roger had stumbled into a good situation meeting Freddie towards the second half of the year prior and him becoming, well, Roger’s only close friend at college. Freddie’s uncle owned the property and had been renting it out to college students for years. He was a kind man and let Freddie live there rent-free for the duration of his design program. Once Freddie and Roger became friends and Freddie learned what a nightmare his dorm roommate was — always on the phone late into the night (they had bunk-beds!) and living piles of clothes all over the tiny room — he’d begged Roger to move in with him for Roger’s last year of his course. 

So with Freddie, blessedly, Roger had his space. It was a two-bedroom house, one bedroom was upstairs and the other downstairs. Roger had the downstairs one and though yes, he did isolate himself inside of it too often, he appreciated having Freddie around for chats in the mornings and evenings and watching movies together on the odd free Saturday the other man had off work.

One evening over a rare shared dinner at the dining room table, Brian came up. Freddie was jabbing at his baked potato and ranting about some guy in one of his classes that never shut up. “He started talking _ over _ me, Rog! And the professor said nothing.”

“Ugh, I know the type. Sorry, Fred.”

That made Freddie’s smile return. “Yeah? I bet your film class is _ all _that type.”

Roger nodded, biting into the end of his asparagus spear. “Basically. Although I sort of made friends with one.” To his annoyance, Roger could feel a blush spreading across his face. 

“_Ooh _, what’s his name?” 

Roger rolled his eyes at Fred’s knowing smirk. He’d admittedly been desperate to talk to someone about Brian for a while now. So he got out his phone and pulled up Instagram, scrolled through until he found the video of Brian playing Jeff Buckley’s “Grace” on guitar. 

“Brian. He’s adamant that we need to start a band together.”

Freddie was giddy as he grabbed Roger’s phone right out of his hand. “Shit, Rog. And Buckley is your fave. This is too good.”

Roger had to tackle Freddie out of his chair and onto the ground as the man had started tapping at the screen.

“What the fuck, Fred! What are you doing? I swear to God if you’re commenting—”

Freddie, flat on his back giggling, tucked the phone into the breast pocket of Roger’s shirt with a pat. “Don’t worry, I was only sending his profile to myself so I can stalk him in peace.”

Roger only groaned and rolled off the other man, crossing his arms. Freddie wasted no time in perching on Roger’s legs, his own phone out now and scrolling through Brian’s Instagram. 

“I’m just going to state the obvious here, Rog. He’s cute. _ Real _ cute. And he plays guitar like a _ god_. You should play with him. In various ways. Why have you been holding out on me?”

“Well...it’s complicated.”

Freddie slid off him and sat up, motioning for Roger to do the same. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

So they did. God, Roger was going to miss him when he moved back home after graduation.

\---

Roger ended up telling his mom about Brian too. They hiked a lot when Roger visited on weekends, and long walks through the forest meant ample conversation time. Which Roger did at least once a month. Despite it being a three hour drive home, Roger felt more comfortable around his family than anyone else (though Freddie got pretty close in the year he’d known him). His sister Clare was his best friend. They as a family _ loved _ Jeff Buckley. Their mom had raised them on _ Grace _. It was the sound of his childhood, hence why he’d had such a reaction to Brian’s love of the musician. 

Roger wasn’t sure why he felt compelled to talk about Brian with his mom, but he did. He only said they were friends. He’d Facetimed his sister earlier in the week as well for a chat and ended up mentioning him, too. Then he had sent her the Instagram post. She had, just like Freddie, proceeded to scroll through his posts. She’d managed to develop a bit of a crush, so she was all ears when Roger brought him up. Her exact wording in fact had been: “Roger, if you don’t date him _ I will_.”

His mom was happy to hear of kids Roger’s age who still appreciated and knew about Jeff Buckley. She didn’t ask too many questions, distracted by their dog — Buckley, believe it or not — stopping to sniff things every few feet. 

He was embarrassed to admit he had lunged at his phone when Brian texted him midday Sunday, but it was only to ask about the reading for class the next day. Class all week following _ Mulholland Drive _ hadn’t been exciting. There was only one day where Brian had been readjusting his long legs and his foot ended up bumping into Roger’s. He didn’t move it though, just let his sneaker press against Roger’s. So Roger hadn’t moved either. But that was about it. A few days of the week Brian had even sat in a different part of the room and been in another small group. 

When someone asked him about it Brian had just replied he’d wanted to hear different perspectives. Roger assume him, John, and the other girl that sat behind Brian had not challenged him enough. They tended to just chat and bounce ideas off each other rather than get into actual debates. And listen to Brian. Who talked. A lot. In fact, it might have been a recommendation by Rob that Brian switch groups, because every time he did his rounds during small group discussion and listened in, it was Brian who dominated the conversation.

Nevertheless, Roger worried it was his fault. At the very least he felt a slight sting of rejection. Which was pathetic, considering he had basically rejected Brian. But Brian would still say hi to him after class or if he saw him in the hallway, etc. On one occasion probably a couple weeks after the invite to watch _ The Abyss _ with Brian, the two of them had their first proper conversation since Brian had stopped sitting by Roger in class. 

Whether Roger trailed behind Brian while he was leaving or not was irrelevant. It was a nice, sunny Friday afternoon, and Brian paused on the lawn in front of the building they’d just had class in. He was checking his phone, but he looked up and smiled at Roger when he saw him. 

They didn’t chat about anything in particular, just the weather and class and both blatantly refusing to bring up the fact that Brian didn’t sit by him in class anymore or that they didn’t text anymore or that they hadn’t spoken about music again since back when Brian _ did _sit by Roger and them and John were talking about hosting radio shows and Roger had mentioned that if he were to do one everyone would hate him because he’d only play the same bands over and over. Then Brian had eagerly asked which and Roger had told him “Muse and Radiohead.” Roger had been wearing a Muse shirt, which Brian had already complimented, but said he “needed to get into Radiohead still.”

So they chatted in the sunshine and Roger avoided eye contact like he always did with Brian, since the man’s focused gaze whenever he spoke made him feel a specific brand of nervous he’d never experienced before. And when Brian said he had to head off to work and they exchanged goodbyes, Roger just watched him and his long limbs until he disappeared around the corner. 

As soon as he got home he climbed the stairs to Fred’s room, calling up to him.

“Come in, darling!”

Freddie was lying on his bed with his Nintendo Switch, but he tossed it aside as soon as Roger crawled onto the mattress. He pulled Roger next to him and rolled onto his side to peer down at him. 

“You alright?”

“I’m thinking about… maybe hanging out with Brian.”

Freddie tucked a wayward strand of hair behind Roger’s ear. “You should, Rog. Nothing wrong with making a new friend. And you said he’s nice, yeah?”

Roger nodded. “Yeah. I’ll text him now and see if he’s free this weekend.”

“Good boy.” Freddie pressed a kiss to the side of his head before picking the console back up and starting over on two-player mode.


	2. Part two

Brian seemed eager enough for Roger to come over, which was good. He sent a bunch of sunglass emojis when Roger had - casually - texted to say he _finally had a free weekend_ and wanted to watch _The Abyss_ if Brian was down.

Originally they had planned for Saturday evening but then Saturday morning Brian texted to say he’d forgotten he actually had plans at 7pm but if Roger was free at 3pm he could come over when Brian got off work. Roger briefly considered saying he was busy, telling Brian ‘maybe some other time’ and then never bringing it up again. But Fred had ripped his phone out of his hand and typed ‘_that still works for me!!_’ followed by a bunch of smiley emojis. And then he’d all but pushed Roger into the shower. “Use my shampoo, dear, it smells heavenly!”

Roger was nervous, which was stupid. Him and Brian were just friends, acquaintances at most. It wasn’t a date. But he knew it was still going to be awkward. It didn’t help that Freddie was leaning against the wall in the bathroom watching him blow-dry his hair and begging Roger to make-out with Brian.

"C’mon, Rog. Nothing more has to happen. He’s hot! Give him a smooch.”

Although he knew Freddie was only joking around, it still made him sweat at the prospect. His last boyfriend had been over two years and he hadn’t been on a date since then. He wasn’t sure he even remembered how to kiss. Or if he actually wanted to with Brian. He couldn’t imagine going to class for the rest of the term if something happened between them. Especially if it was something disastrous, like having sex and then Brian wanting nothing to do with him afterwards. But even knowing he’d kissed Brian would make Roger uncomfortable in class for the foreseeable future. He doubted Brian was looking to date him. Something about him gave off ‘I don’t do serious relationships’ vibes. Maybe Roger was just being paranoid, but then maybe it was better to be careful. He didn’t want to be nursing a broken heart for the remainder of the quarter, either. Though it was starting to seem inevitable.

After his hair was dry he let Freddie fluff it and put some of his smoothing oil in it, straightening Roger’s collar while he was at it.

“You look gorgeous!” Freddie announced when he was finally finished. “He won’t even be able to look at the movie.”

\---

“Well? How did it go?” Freddie had waited up for him. Roger didn’t know why he had expected anything different. Despite needing to have left for work thirty minutes ago, the other man was sitting in the living room on the couch pretending to watch television.

Roger climbed onto the cushion next to Freddie and curled into his side. “It was… weird. But goodish? I don’t think anything is going to happen between us. There was an odd moment where he stroked my hair. Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

Roger wasn’t even sure how that moment happened.

He had decided to walk to Brian’s, whose apartment was about fifteen minutes away on foot and five by car. While he was on his was there he got another text from Brian asking if they could push the hangout by around twenty minutes so Brian had time to change and eat after work. Roger, not in the mood to turn back around just be home for five minutes before needing to leave again, texted ‘sure!’ and then figured he could sit outside somewhere and read the book he had in his bag until Brian texted again. But then a car pulled up beside him and rolled down the window.

“Hey, Roger!”

It was Brian. He’d rolled the window down and was waving him over. “You wanna hop in?”

So Roger did. Brian had clearly just come from work, dressed in a jumpsuit with what looked like oil smeared on his cheek. And maybe it made Roger’s mouth fill with saliva.

“You work at a car shop?”

“Ugh,” Brian rubbed at the dark spot on his cheek, “yeah. Just oil changes. I don’t know anything about cars.”

That made Roger laugh. “Alright.”

“I was gonna shower first but I saw you walking so… ignore if I smell like the mechanics shop.”

“Oh, I don’t mind.”

Roger didn’t really know what to do with himself. What was he doing here in Brian’s car? He didn’t know if this get-together was happening because they were mutually interested in each other or it was merely a friend thing. But then they weren’t really good enough friends to be hanging out outside of class, in Roger’s opinion. They were peers who chatted in class sometimes. The next logical step in their developing relationship would’ve been to get together on campus somewhere to study for class or something. Although that probably would’ve made Roger more nervous, talking academics. He could watch a movie without panicking, couldn’t he?

Freddie interrupted Roger in his story: “He was wearing a jumpsuit? With that tall body? Fuck, bet that was hot.”

Roger smacked Freddie on the arm. “Hey! I’m trying to tell you what happened! So then we got to his apartment and his housemate was there…”

Roger wished they had decided on watching the movie at Roger’s house instead. Yes, Freddie would’ve been a nightmare, but he had not prepared himself for seeing anyone but Brian. Especially a girl housemate. Brian just said ‘hey’ to her and told Roger he was going to his room to change his clothes.

“So what are you guys watching?”

“Oh, just a movie I think.”

An awkward silence fell over them and continued until Brian returned in jeans and a t-shirt. Roger had already taken a seat on the couch. The housemate was in the kitchen looking through the fridge. If Brian had ever mentioned her name he couldn’t remember it.

“Feel free to stay and watch with us!” Brian called to her, though she was already edging her way past them and into the hallway with a bag of chips.

“That’s alright!” She said over her shoulder before disappearing into the bedroom.

Roger guessed if Brian had invited his roommate that meant this hangout had no romantic connotation. He was ready to accept that. Friends was fine, friends was good.

Freddie interrupted Roger’s story again: “He was being polite! Are you really telling me nothing happened between you two? Skip to the juicy moments!”

Roger rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine. He was pretty tired, for one. I thought he was going to fall asleep a few times. But mostly we were sharing a couch, so depending on how we arranged our limbs there _was_ some touching.”

Freddie whistled, “_Hot damn_, some touching. Please elaborate.”

About five minutes into the film Roger had kicked off his boots and sat criss-cross on the couch cushion. Brian was making popcorn in the kitchen and when he came back he mirrored Roger’s position and set the bowl between them. Their hands brushed a few times, Brian’s dwarfing Roger’s.

“Imagine how that hand would feel around your-”

“Shut up, Fred! Or I’m going to stop telling the story.”

From then on it was mostly knees or shoulders. The empty popcorn bowl was placed on the ground and Roger went vertical, hooking his legs over the arm of the couch and resting his chin in his fist. Brian seemed amused by this.

“You sure know how to lounge,” he had said.

It was during the aftermath of the movie that things got strange. They hadn’t talked a ton during; Brian was half-asleep and Roger too busy overthinking everything between him and the tired man. He did like the movie, though. They chatted briefly about one particular scene in the film, where the creative solution to the problematic situation had reached the height of drama; bringing a dead woman back to life. It had almost fooled Roger into shedding a tear, and Brian had definitely swiped at his eyes a few times. And the aliens. They talked about the aliens.

Then Brian chattered away about a concert he had been to the previous night,hence the tiredness, while Roger swung his legs from side to side against the couch arm. Brian opened Spotify on the TV as he talked, typing Radiohead into the search. “You told me to listen to them, after all. Which album?”

Roger hummed over the question for a good three minutes before finally deciding on_ In Rainbows_. Roger was hoping Brian would recognize “15 Step” from the Twilight soundtrack but the man didn’t have any noticeable reaction. He should Roger a few pictures from the concert the night before on his phone and, looking back, Roger reckoned that was the beginning of the hair-stroke incident. Roger got, perhaps inappropriately, close to Brian in order to look at the photos, which devolved into Brian showing him memes from Reddit.

“And memes turned into hair touching?” Freddie asked, incredulous.

Roger tapped his chin. “I actually think it was the Jeff Buckley stuff. I brought him up but I don’t recall why, exactly… I had my head on his shoulder.”

Freddie straightened up at that revelation. “What?! Rog, and you’re saying it was _only platonic_?”

Roger crossed his arms. “I sort of went in there wanting to get kissed. Maybe the fact we didn’t is a sign he isn’t into me.”

Freddie sighed and wrapped an arm around Roger’s waist. “Finish the story and I’ll be the judge.”

Roger wasn’t sure how the hair touching happened. He did lean in close to look at Brian’s phone. And then they’d kept talking and eventually about Jeff Buckley and how Brian wanted to learn every single song off Grace on guitar. Roger found it easier to talk to Brian when he wasn’t making eye contact with him so he’d rearranged himself at some point so the back of his head rested on Brian’s shoulder/upper arm. And the man didn’t seem to mind. Brian’s hand had come up and touched Roger’s hair for just a moment. It was surprising enough to make Roger stop in the middle of a sentence. Brian moved his hand away immediately after the lone stroke, and Roger continued after a pause without commenting on it.

They talked like that for a while, Roger leaning the back of his head on Brian’s shoulder and Radiohead paying in the background. Brain told him he smelled ice, to which Roger had stupidly responded: “It’s probably just my lotion,” despite him definitely having put on his favorite cologne before leaving the house. Brian’s roommate left with her boyfriend before they’d finished the film so it was just the two of them in the apartment. He didn’t know why he was sticking around, really. The clock hand was inching closer and closer to when Brian had said he was ‘busy,’ but he hadn’t kicked him out yet. Turns out his plans were watching the Game of Thrones finale with some friends. When it was twenty minutes ‘till 7pm, the time the program aired, Brian turned off Radiohead to load up HBO. Roger was about to announce he’d head out, but Brian was busy trying to log in unsuccessfully. He let Roger know he needed to call his mom to get the login info and headed down the hall to his bedroom. Roger cursed himself for not leaving sooner, but then Brian stuck his head out and told him he could come back to his room if he wanted to.

“So you saw his room?!” Freddie was bouncing up and down. “Oh yeah, I keep forgetting you already told me nothing happened.”

Roger rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I sat down on his bed and listened to his conversation, which was kind of funny. There was another weird moment though…”

So initially Roger had just perched himself on the edge of Brian’s and looked around. The guy had various posters up for different musicians and TV shows and even a painting of a cat. It was pretty organized, with stacks of folded laundry sitting on top of his dresser to be put away and bed made neatly. He wasn’t really listening to Brian’s conversation with his mom but it was cute how he talked to her. They were clearly very close. When he finally looked back at where Brian sat in his desk chair, the taller man was looking at him as he listened to whatever his mom was saying. Brian just smiled that same closed mouth smile that started all of this and spun from side to side. Roger leaned over to rest his chin on his fist as Brian thanked his mom for the login password.

“You really do sprawl yourself across any available surface, don’t you?” Roger just laughed and slouched further. Brian imitated him and propped an elbow up on the arm of the chair, putting his chin on his fist and running his eyes over Roger.

“And what’s with this pose? Are you trying to seduce me?”

Now normally Roger scoffed at the use of ‘sputtered’ or ‘sputtering’ for verb choice. It seemed a comical and over-the-top way of describing things. When did anyone ever genuinely sputter?

Well, turns out Roger did. Roger sputtered in surprise at Brian’s comment.

“No!” He hated how indignant he sounded. As if he was horrified by the idea. But Brian just laughed at him and kept looking. After an awkwardly long moment spent staring at each other, Brian stood up. A part of Roger had been hoping Brian would ask him to stay for Game of Thrones, but he’d already established himself as a non-Game-of-Thrones-watcher. Had he been a fan though, Brian probably would have. As it were, Roger had already overstayed his welcome. He should’ve left when the film ended.

“Can I walk you out?”

Roger supposed that was the most polite way one could ask someone to leave. So he let Brian walk him to the living room, let Brian sit next to him as he tied the laces on his boots. When they both got up, Brian turned to face him and opened his arms wide.

“Oh, we’re at the hugging stage?” It slipped out before Roger could stop it. Why shouldn’t they be? He’d had his head on Brian’s shoulder all afternoon.

Brian shrugged. “I’m a hugger, c’mon.” Then he all but pulled Roger into his arms.

It felt… good. Roger wasn’t so cynical that he couldn’t admit that. It was only a brief hug, but he would’ve stayed in the other man’s arms longer if he could have. Brian felt so tall against him, around him. When they pulled apart he couldn’t bring himself to let go of Brian’s hip for a few moments. They said their goodbyes with his hand still there, the bone sharp against his palm. After some final ‘see ya!’s, Roger threw up a peace sign as he walked out. Brian had offered to drive him home and for some stupid reason Roger turned him down. He felt bad for already cutting into Brian’s Game of Thrones finale and didn’t want to delay the man further. But also, perhaps a car trip would have provided more of a definitive conclusion to whatever this was between them.

“Yeah,” Freddie agreed, “you should’ve let him drive you home.”

\---

If Roger had felt slighted when Brian stopped being in his small group during class, that was nothing compared to how he felt when Brian didn’t sit by him at the film screening the Tuesday following their hang out at Brian’s.

On Monday Roger had texted Brian to ask how the Game of Thrones finale was because they hadn’t spoken at all Saturday night after he left or Sunday so he was nervous to see Brian in class. But then he’d gotten the email from Rob that class was cancelled for Monday and so yeah, maybe he was hoping the conversation would turn into Brian proposing they hang out in the newly freed time.

But Brian took too long to text back. Roger considered hovering around the classroom in case Brian didn't check his email and showed up only to learn class was cancelled by the sign on the door. And Roger would just be there at the same time, _coincidence_, and then they could chat and maybe go study in the library together. Roger got too impatient for that though, and took the chance to go home early instead.

When Brian responded to the text Roger was already home, and it was only to say he had mixed feelings about the finale and a ‘_so class is cancelled, yeehaw I guess_.’ Roger sent him a cowboy emoji and the conversation ended there.

Even still, Roger expected Brian would come sit with him during the film screening on Tuesday. He assumed their extracurricular-movie-watching meant they’d be better friends during class. Brian had _hugged_ him after all. _Touched his hair_. Roger wasn’t about to forget that any time soon.

Brian came in a little late; the lights were already off and Rob was about to start the film. It was a short one, only about forty or so minutes. Roger sat in his normal spot, maybe a bit higher up because he wanted to be far away from everyone with Brian. Just in case anything were to happen between them. Maybe he’d put a hand on Brian’s thigh. Roger didn't have anything definitive planned. But Brian had just rushed to a seat towards the front of the room without even looking around and sat down.

Roger knew he was, once again, being ridiculous, and was humiliated by the fact his eyes welled up. There were plenty of explanations as to why Brian didn’t sit by him. He’d got there late and maybe he hadn’t wanted to make a spectacle of finding Roger. But then he knew where Roger normally sat. Either way, Roger had hoped Saturday was a step forward in their relationship; this felt like a big step backwards. Roger was oversensitive, and he hated that about himself, but nevertheless couldn’t stop feeling rejected. Fearing that Brian hadn’t enjoyed hanging out with him. He had, after all, guided Roger out of his apartment with nothing more than a - albeit cheerful - ‘_see you around!_’

Roger was an idiot to expect more, and an even bigger idiot for having to try so hard not to cry during the damn film. If Brian had wanted to hang out again he would’ve mentioned it on Saturday. He would’ve said ‘_that was fun! When can we do it again?_’

In a similar fashion to how Brian had come into the room, he stood as soon as the credits rolled and headed out the door. Another slap in the face.

Roger sighed and trekked down the stairs. He looked to the hallway that branched left - the direction Brian normally went after the film screenings - but he wasn’t there. Then Roger looked down the hall to the right - the direction he normally went on his way to the parking lot - and to his surprise Brian was there. Roger couldn’t be sure they actually made eye contact, he was walking towards the front exit to avoid either hall and hadn’t expected to actually see Brian, but then there the man was. Roger only glanced briefly to the right, registered Brian was there, and kept walking out through the front doors.

He regretted it as soon as he did it, of course. But he had felt so slighted by Brian not sitting by him or waiting to walk out with him after the film that he found it impossible to believe Brian was waiting for him in that hallway. The man must’ve been doing something else. But Roger should’ve gone and chatted with him. He could’ve waved, _something_. He _should not_ have just looked at Brian and kept walking. And Brian had no doubt seen him. He’d just been standing in the hallway. And Roger blew right past him. Fuck.

Roger leaned against a pillar outside the building on the right side, biting his nails and waiting to see how long Brian stayed inside. He hoped the man had been waiting for someone other than Roger. But moments later Brian emerged, shoulders stiff, and headed in the direction of the bus stop. He thankfully didn’t see Roger. Or maybe Roger had hoped he would.

\---

Roger couldn’t keep doing it. He couldn’t keep dancing around Brian and wondering. It seemed Brian couldn’t, either. They still greeting one another in class the rest of the week, but didn’t ever chat. It was as if Roger had never gone to Brian’s apartment at all, as if Brian hugging Roger that evening in his living room and ended something rather than starting it.

Brian didn’t sit with Roger’s small group a single time. Instead, he sat in the same row he used to, just a few seats back, with a different group. Roger couldn’t stare at the back of his head anymore so class got even more boring. Roger wished Brian would sit across the room so he didn’t have to hear his voice as much.

And life went on.

For a while, anyway.

\---

It was Sunday night of Memorial Day weekend, the end of the quarter closing in on them with only two weeks left. Though Roger had been to Brian’s apartment the weekend prior, it felt like forever ago. In class that Friday Rob had people share with the class their plans for the long weekend (no class on Monday). Brian was going camping with his friends. Roger and John actually had plans, too: they were screening _Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle_ in the big auditorium Monday night.

Neither of them shared; they didn’t want their classmates to show up. Roger thought about it, though, because he kind of wanted Brian to come. But he couldn’t bring himself to invite Brian. He’d been disappointed in the past, back before going to Brian’s apartment and when Brian was in his small group and they would all chat before class. Roger and John were doing the Harry Potter trivia night at the coffeehouse on campus and had invited Brian and the other girl in their small group to join their team. Brian had seemed so excited and said he’d ‘_totally be there!_’

That was supposed to be the initial _outside of class_ hangout with Brian. But he hadn’t come. Admittedly they’d mentioned it a few days prior to the actual event and then Roger had never reminded him or asked him again if he was coming. He must’ve forgot. Roger didn’t like being forgotten, but then they were all so busy he couldn’t judge Brian for it.

So Sunday night, the night before _Jumanji_, Roger gave in. And he knew Brian was probably still camping with his friends and wouldn’t be able to come, but Roger was running out of time. He was moving back home _literally_ the day of graduation in three weeks. Then he’d be a 3+ hour drive from Freddie and John and well… _Brian_. He knew he’d be able to come visit some weekends, but he already had a summer job lined up so staying at the house with Freddie for the summer wasn’t an option. Plus he had plans for a lot of the weekends with his sister. He had to go home. He was out of time.

He sent Brian an awkward text inviting him to watch _Jumanji_. Surprisingly, Brian texted back right away. He, as Roger had suspected, wasn’t returning from his camping trip until tomorrow and wasn’t sure if he’d be back in time for the movie but said he’d let Roger know tomorrow afternoon. He sent a lot of smiley faces though, and a_ thanks for the invite!_

Roger spent too long debating if it was a bad idea or not. On one hand, Brian would probably sit by Roger in the movie and give Roger another chance to make a move, but on the other hand John would be very surprised to see Brian there. Then he’d have to confess. Brian probably wouldn’t come though.

Freddie, excitingly, had the holiday off work and was able to come to the movie with Roger. Roger was happy he’d finally be able to meet John. He had a feeling the two would become fast friends. But Freddie would be too thrilled at the idea of Brian coming, so Roger didn’t tell him he’d invited Brian. Freddie had been moping all week, disappointed nothing had happened when Roger went to Brian’s apartment. And so maybe Roger was merely being influenced by the other man’s sadness. He swore Freddie had a crush on Brian too, though the two had never met.

At the very least he still wanted something to happen between Roger and Brian. Roger couldn’t hide anymore that he did, too.

Roger was a little anxious all day Monday waiting to hear back from Brian. Around 6pm him and Freddie headed to campus to get burritos before the screening. Nothing yet from Brian. Finally around 6:30, when Freddie was busy debating with himself over whether he wanted to buy candy for the film or not, Roger discreetly checked his phone.

Brian couldn’t come, just as Roger had suspected.

But Roger also sort of thought he would. Brian seemed genuinely sorry though, thanking Roger again for inviting him but that he’d only just got back from camping and had a lot of homework to get done. Roger sent him a ‘no worries, mate!’ and readied himself for accepting this as the end. He couldn’t put himself through any more.

“You okay?” Freddie had finally decided on getting the candy and was pulling Roger down the stairs below where the auditorium was to the vending machines.

“Yeah. It’s just starting to hit me is all. That I’m graduating. Moving back home.”

Freddie bent down to pull his Reese's peanut butter cups out. He straightened, fiddling with the wrapper. Roger inched closer; it was rare for Freddie to go quiet.

He said nothing still, but threw his arms around Roger and pressed his face into his neck.

“I know we don’t really talk about it, but I love you and I’m going to miss you so much. Please Facetime me every day and come visit often.”

Roger appreciated the fact their faces were hidden from one another. It made it easier to say.

“Same, Fred. God. I swear you understand me better than anyone. I love you, too.”

Freddie finally untangled himself from Roger so he could push the loose strands of blonde hair out of his eyes with gentle fingers.

“Come to the house any time you’re free. Just let me know and I’ll fight to get the weekend off work. Now let’s go drool over Nick Jonas before I cry.”

They smiled at each other and headed up the stairs to join John and a few of his friends.

Despite it all, despite this desperate longing inside him and the growing darkness around the edges, Roger could only feel happy about the way Freddie and John mutually lit up when introduced. Everything has and end as everything has a beginning. It would be alright.

\---

Turns out what Roger had been wanting to happen at the film screening for class following the hang-out session with Brian finally did happen, just a week delayed. Roger was a bit nervous and kept squirming around in his seat waiting for the tall man to come in. He didn’t know if he should expect Brian to mention the_ Jumanji_ thing or if it would be the same as last time; he’d go take a seat somewhere far, far away from Roger.

He didn’t do that. He jogged right up to where Roger was sitting and greeted him with a happy ‘hello!’ before launching into another thanks for the invitation and how much he’d wanted to go. “Can I sit by you?” He tagged on at the end. Roger, of course, nodded.

It was exciting, actually. Rob was screening Inception, which was a long movie and also just so happened to be in both Roger and Brian’s top ten favorite movies lists. It was a good day to sit together.

Brian curled his long body into the seat and shifted to face Roger. They chatted about Jumanji a bit and Roger felt his chest tighten. This was all he had ever wanted, the way Brian leaned in so close to talk that their hair brushed together. He felt the press of Brian’s forehead against the side of his and Roger melted into the hard plastic chair.

It only intensified once the movie started.

They were being annoying to the rest of the class, Roger knew this. But he couldn’t stop himself. Brian was so, so close to him and got even closer every time they spoke. The two of them giggled and commentated the entire film. Brian leaned in to whisper directly into Roger’s ear a few times, and he doubted his resulting shiver went unnoticed. Brian had even brought movie snacks - a bag of spicy doritos and a coke - both of which he shared with Roger.

It was their best and most intimate interaction by far.

Well, other than the head-on-shoulder-hair-stroking incident.

Roger couldn’t deny he wanted to maneuver himself into Brian’s lap and straddle his narrow waist. At some point during the film and all their muttered comments to one another, Roger’s long hair had fallen partially onto Brian’s shoulder. Neither of them made a move to fix it. Were they not in a room full of classmates, Roger’s head would’ve tipped lower and until he once again pillowed himself in the space between Brian’s neck and shoulder bone.

He loved how the taller man looked, cast in the light of the movie screen. His face was so structured and elegant, Roger found it impossible to focus on the film. All his energy went into memorizing how Brian’s thigh bumped into his, how his shoulders shifted when he laughed at what Roger was saying. How when he moved in to speak, the way his hair rubbed against Roger’s felt intentional.

And afterwards, when the credits had rolled and almost everyone but Rob was gone, Brian waited until Roger stood to do the same. They walked out together, still chattering about the ending of the film. Roger followed Brian out the door to the left and paused when he did.

“This was fun! You’re a good movie buddy. Now I’m even more sorry I missed _Jumanji_.”

Roger felt lighter around Brian than ever before.

“Next time! I’ll text if John does another screening before the end of the year.”

Roger deflated a little at that, and he couldn’t help but notice Brian seemed to as well. It was unlikely, with this being the last week of classes and next week finals. Then graduation for Roger. Brian still had another year.

“Sounds good,” Roger looked down at his shoes for a minute. “Well I’ve actually got to take off for practice. I’m doing the open mic tonight at the coffeehouse with my friends.”

“Really? Cool. You know, I’ve never been to the open mic.”

It was a weekly occurrence at the student coffeehouse; Roger saw the advertisements for it all over campus. He wasn’t sure why he’d never gone. It was at 7pm on Tuesdays, though, and after four hours of class, two hours of work, then one to two hours of watching whatever film Rob picked out for screenings, he was rarely in the mood to stay on campus longer.

“Tonight’s the last one of the year! It’s a fun time.”

The two looked at each other for a minute. Brian wasn’t exactly_ asking him to come_. It was more of a ‘_I’m playing and therefore need to take off_.’ Roger wasn’t sure whether to classify it as a wordless request for Roger to come watch him perform or not. He knew he himself would get uncomfortable performing in front of Brian. He didn’t want to go and then make Brian nervous.

Plus, he could hardly go alone. That would be pathetic.

“Hey, well good luck!”

So, like he always did, Roger let fear stop him. With a wave the two parted, and Roger watched Brian’s long, lanky figure as he headed towards the coffeehouse.

Roger was going to go home, he really was. It was almost 6pm and he was hungry. So why wasn’t he moving? Maybe he’d study in the library for a bit first? He did have a book on order to pick up that he was using for his final paper in Rob’s class. Yes, that’s what had stopped him from walking with Brian to the coffeehouse. He needed to pick up his book.

He sat at a booth on the first floor of the library for a few minutes, flipping aimlessly through the pages of the book. He couldn’t concentrate though, too busy trying to talk himself out of his desire to go see Brian at the open mic. He would’ve jumped at the opportunity had Brian only explicitly asked him to come.

Roger found himself heading out the door of the library, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he did. Freddie answered before Roger made it to the bottom of the steps.

Roger had a lot to be grateful for when it came to Freddie. And one of those things was his ability to understand what Roger meant even when he was being unclear. He had a sense about things, a natural intuition even over the phone. Roger’s sure he sounded a bit insane, hysterical even. He couldn’t stop giggling, for some reason, in-between breaths and trying to ask Freddie if he would come with him to the open mic. Well, the laughter didn’t start until after he mentioned Brian.

And maybe he’d said something about _Inception_ as well. It was all a blur.

Freddie was ecstatic, though.

“Fuck, of course I’ll come. I’ve been dreaming of such an opportunity. Wait for me in the student center and I’ll bring dinner, then we’ll go!” Roger could practically visualize Freddie fixing his hair in the mirror and racing out the door. Sure enough he arrived fifteen minutes later, totally out of breath with boxes of Panda Express in his arms. He slid into the seat across from Roger, grinning from ear to ear.

They had cracked their chopsticks apart and were shoveling the food in by the time Roger acknowledged it.

“You will behave, right?”

Freddie, like the perfect friend he was, knew when to be serious and when not to be. He covered Roger’s hand with his own.

“You’re going to support your friend playing at the open mic, and we will also get to experience what will no doubt be an amusing display of other performances. That’s what this is for me.”

Roger leaned across the take-out boxes to kiss Freddie’s cheek.

They chatted about other things while they ate. Freddie told him about his day and they made plans to go for ice cream after the open mic. They discussed making a schedule on the fridge and promised to start doing revision sessions in the living room together for upcoming finals.

“Am I excited to see him play in real life though? Yes.”

Freddie had managed to avoid mentioning Brian up until they were steps away from entering the coffeehouse.

Roger tucked himself behind Freddie as they entered; the other man, despite technically being the same height as Roger, was always in heeled boots and therefore appeared tall enough to disguise Roger.

He spotted Brian right away of course, up near the stage with his guitar in hand chatting to people. Their eyes met almost instantly, so much for Freddie blocking him. He looked surprised and he visibly stiffened for a minute, but gave Roger a big smile when he waved to Brian and waved back.

Roger was thankful for Freddie on good behavior. He watched it all go down but didn’t react until the two had made it to the other side of the room and were ordering hazelnut hot chocolates. Freddie leaned back against the counter and put a hand on Roger’s - who was blatantly trying to avoid more eye contact with Brian - arm.

“Rog, and I mean this, he looks so happy that you’re here. Honest. He lit up.”

Roger, annoyingly, blushed. He took a drink of the hot chocolate in place of a response and groaned when the hot liquid burned his tongue.

“Let’s take a seat, yeah?” Freddie started pulling him back across the room and both of them pretended not to notice how Brian’s gaze followed their progress.

It was actually a pretty full house. Maybe because it was the last of the season, or maybe the open mic was that popular. All the couches up in the front of the stage where Brian sat were full, probably for the performers, and most of the tables that offered a good view of the stage were as well. Roger considered just taking a booth in the back where all the people studying were, but Freddie pulled him to a couple of stools in the middle of the coffeehouse with an island bar behind them to rest their backs on.

As soon as they sat down, Brian began to weave through the tables toward them. He turned more towards Freddie to engage in conversation but the man still came.

“Hey! You’re here!”

“Yep!”

Brian looked him up and down like he was trying to read him, but he was smiling nonetheless. Roger couldn’t help but smile back. Freddie cleared his throat.

“Hey, I’m Brian,” Brian stuck out his hand and Freddie happily shook it.

“I’m Freddie, Roger’s roommate and best friend.”

Roger didn’t think Freddie was working hard enough to look anything less than overjoyed. At least he didn’t mention the Instagram stalking.

“It’s nice to meet you! Did he tell you I’m playing?”

“He did. We are too, actually.”

“What the fuck, Fred!” Roger whacked his shoulder. “No we are _not_.”

Brian and Freddie ignored him.

“Yeah? You totally should!”

“We’re going to karaoke to _Supermassive Black Hole_ by Muse, in fact.”

“Ah, ‘cause Roger loves Muse. Good choice, great song. Let me jump in and beatbox!”

Roger pouted a little, watching the two of them. Everyone just loved Freddie instantly. He knew Freddie and John had been texting; Roger had a feeling Freddie was going to ask his permission to take John on a date any day now. And Brian, too, seemed charmed. Although technically they were discussing Roger. He still felt a bit left out. But then Brian awkwardly slid his way in between the two of them and turned to face Roger.

“I’m glad you’re here! Did you decide last minute?”

“Oh, me and Fred just thought it would be fun.”

It was hard to talk to Brian with Freddie eagerly observing their every move. Roger could only hope Brian’s tallness blocked Freddie from witnessing Roger’s flushed face. He was sure to get an earful at home tonight.

“Well I hope you guys have fun! Sadly I guess I better get back to my friends, though. Wish me luck!”

“Good luck!” Roger and Freddie said it at the time, and Freddie let out a low whistle as they watched Brian worm his way back to the front.

“Good stuff,” Freddie nodded, “I approve. He’s fucking cute and he’s totally into you, Rog. You’re being thick.”

“Yeah,” Roger sighed, “maybe I am.”

\---

“I still can’t believe you got up there and sang _My Way_.”

Roger and Freddie were back home, giggling over a shared carton of pistachio ice cream from the little market down the road.

“I crooned better than Frank Sinatra and blew all those people’s minds.”

“I reckon you did! You know you’ve got the best voice I’ve ever heard. Too bad Brian had to leave early.”

It was true, Brian had missed Freddie’s frankly stunning rendition of Sinatra’s _My Way_, where he’d moved through the audience and winked at everyone, spun around, thrown himself into Roger’s arms. He’d definitely made it onto several student’s Snapchat stories. Roger only wished Freddie had had the Sinatra hat and maybe a cigarette. But Brian took off after only a few performances following his own and didn’t get to see it.

What a performance Brian’s had been, though. He had a drummer and violinist accompany him, he himself on the acoustic guitar. They’d done a beautiful, stripped version of Jeff Buckley’s Grace that honestly had Roger on the verge of confessing love. It was as if he’d planned it just for Roger.

Which was impossible, of course. Roger never would’ve even known Brian was doing the open mic had he not ended up sitting next to him during_ Inception_.

Brian had given a sweet little speech about his bandmates and how it was their last time playing together since the other two were graduating, and Roger was grateful that he seemed to avoid looking at Roger while he played.

He was delicate and precise, perfect. Though his voice sounded nothing like Buckley, Brian sang soft and sweet to match their gentle version of the traditionally rockier tune. Roger, for once, was happy to have justification for not being able to take his eyes off Brian. He tried to look at the drummer, too; that was Roger’s instrument after all. But he was only mediocre, unmatched to the talent Brian was showcasing.

It had Roger wishing he would’ve taken Brian up on his offer long ago. They could’ve been playing together all this time.

Freddie was thrumming with energy next to him, clearly thinking the same.

They clapped hard for him, Freddie even whooped. Brian seemed embarrassed when he packed up his guitar into the case and headed back to his seat. Eventually he looked to Roger. Roger smiled at him and gave him a thumbs-up, figuring he could compliment Brian properly in class tomorrow. The other man laughed and returned the thumbs-up.

Freddie leaned in to begin aggressively whispering in Roger’s ear about how amazing that was, which distracted Roger from noticing Brian weave his way through the audience once again to find him.

But then there he was in front of them.

“Be my Hendrix!”

“Uh...what?”

Brian was clearly caught off guard by Freddie’s behavior, and Roger hit Freddie’s arm.

“Ignore him. That was really great, Brian,” Roger told him with a smile.

The guitarist looked at Freddie for a few seconds more, eyebrow raised, before shuffling to lean against the counter next to Roger. Since he was sitting down - albeit on a fairly tall stool - Brian towered over him. Roger couldn’t stop his mind from wandering, tilting his head to look up at Brian and wondering what it would be like to kiss him. Maybe he’d wrap his arms around Brian’s neck and Brian’s hands would settle onto his waist. He’d want to get closer so Brian would lift him and help Roger to lock his thighs around his hips.

“So really, what’d you think? It means more coming from Buckley’s number one fan.”

“I loved it, honest. It was beautiful. You did him justice.”

Brian seemed to get emotional at that statement, hand reaching out to touch Roger. He left it there, palm flat against Roger’s forearm as he spoke: “That’s everything to me, Roger. Really.”

The sweetness of the moment was ruined slightly by the next act. A guy with a bass guitar headed up to the stage and plugged into a big amp. He then proceeded to play bass for a Metallica song. Just him, no one else. It was a bit awful, and Roger and Brian tried to disguise their chuckles.

“Wow, I didn’t know people played just bass riffs at these.”

“You came on the best night, clearly.”

Roger liked how it felt to have Brian beside him. It was ridiculous, really. He’d hugged this man, leaned against his shoulder, and mere hours ago was pressed next to him watching a film. The closeness should not have affected him so much, how solid and warm Brian felt, and they weren’t even touching!

They whispered to one another under the wall of noise coming from the bassist. Freddie was pretending to be engaged by the performance but Roger knew by the look on his face he was both thinking about John (who played bass!) and trying to eavesdrop on Roger and Brian.

They had an assignment due tomorrow for Rob’s class, a proposal for the final term paper due next week. Roger had done his the day before, and he was grateful as it meant he had nothing to work on tonight. Brian hadn’t even started.

“You do know that’s due tomorrow, right?”

Brian’s hand was back on Roger’s arm again.

“I know. God help me. I probably can’t stay here much longer.”

Roger had a tendency to become nonchalant, dismissive, aloof - whatever one would call it. He recognized it as a flaw in himself, and it wasn’t because he meant to act this way towards people; it was just his default when he was panicking or taken by surprise or didn’t have time to formulate a proper response. It was why he’d said “maybe” the first time Brian asked if he wanted to hang out, why he didn’t agree to have a jam session with Brian. And why, instead of saying “that’s too bad” or “it was nice to see you play!” or “if you want to go to the library right now I can help you work on it,” he just said: “Yeah, good luck with that.”

Thankfully, Roger assumed Brian was familiar enough with these types of responses from him. He felt it must be obvious he was attracted to Brian just on flushed cheeks and avoided eye contact alone, but then his behavior frequently suggested the opposite. Brian, for some reason, just chuckled and said thanks.

“I’ve got to go help pack up the drum kit, but I’ll be back.”

Roger was impressed Brian was so willing to keep maneuvering his way back and forth between the stage and where he and Freddie were sitting. He was grateful that Brian had a long-sleeve shirt on because he really didn’t want to have to avoid looking at his arms as he helped take apart the drums and move them to the side. It was already attractive enough watching the man touch the drums, Roger didn’t need biceps added into the mix.

Brian stopped and chatted to a few people on his way back to Roger. Freddie spent his entire absence loudly murmuring into Roger’s ear that he’d get Brian to play with them if it was the last thing he did.

“I feel it, Rog. He’s the one.”

Freddie had this thing about guitar players. _There’s plenty of guitar players out there, Rog_, he would say. _Good ones, sure. Talented even. Ones we can play with and ones who will do absolutely fine. But then there’s Hendrix. He’s an icon! A star! I want someone who is going to be distinctive. Unique. One who is going to stand out. People will hear us on the radio and they will know the name of that guitarist because he is a legend._

Roger heard variations of the rant almost nightly. But then, he and Freddie spent a lot of time watching videos of musicians they love performing so he supposed he couldn’t complain.

It complicated things a bit, though. Roger knew Freddie thought Brian was attractive and therefore felt Roger should, well, engage in romantic relations with him. But now he’d met Brian and seen just how talented he was. Fucking it up felt like it wasn’t an option anymore. He’d either have to settle whatever pull the two of them had towards each other or prepare himself for mere friendship. ‘Cause Freddie wanted Brian, no matter what.

But Roger was going to fuck it up, he just knew it.

When Brian returned from packing the equipment, it was only to say goodbye. He nudged his way in next to Roger again and thanked him for coming. He was leaving to work on the assignment, but did seem sad to go. “C’mere,” Brian moved to face Roger directly and spread his arms wide.

Roger hadn’t been expecting it. It was one thing for Brian to hug Roger in the privacy of his apartment, but a whole ‘nother to hug him in a room full of people. And in front of Freddie. Who was absolutely watching them out of the corner of his eye.

So Roger had gracelessly pressed himself into Brian’s chest from where he was sitting, looping his arms around Brian for a short hug. He pulled away a bit but Brian kept his hands on Roger’s bak, chuckling and looking down at him and no doubt wondering what the fuck kind of hug that was. He said a final goodbye and waved to Freddie before he turned and headed out the door, guitar case in hand.

“I _liked_ that hug,” Freddie giggled into Roger’s shoulder, pint of ice cream resting on his knee. They had been deconstructing the open mic for a while now. Roger had been trying to dissuade Freddie from his newfound obsession with Brian’s guitar skill ever since they got home, but it wasn’t going well.

“And I liked how he shook my hand…”

“Are you sure I shouldn’t save him for you, Fred?”

“Oh, no. I mean he’s gorgeous and all and I won’t pretend I’ll never _purposefully wrap him up in my arms for a hug_ once he’s your boyfriend. But I’m interested in someone else. Brian’s all yours, Roggie.”

Roger rolled his eyes. Freddie knew how he felt about that nickname.

“Okay, first of all, you’re welcome for John. Second of all, he’s not going to be my boyfriend. He can’t be. He lives here, I only do for two more weeks. Less, actually. Less than two weeks. I’m not going to do that to either of us.”

Freddie just pouted. He knew it, too. And he knew when not to push. So they cuddled close and finished the ice cream, appreciating the quiet and one another’s company.

\---

Roger kind of teared up when he walked into class the next day to see Brian sitting, well, not exactly in his old spot, but in the seat behind his old spot. In other words, right next to Roger’s seat.

It made him happy. He was trying to come to terms with the fact that Brian had such an influence on his emotions. It was a dangerous thing, but even worse when unacknowledged. He didn’t know what it was, this power Brian had over him. He was, for lack of a better word, _infatuated_. No point in denying it.

Brian grinned up at him while Roger set his bag down, while he settled into the chair and took out his laptop.

“Hey, Brian finally said when Roger turned to face him. “Thanks again for coming. I don’t know, I mean if you, you probably didn't come for me but you know, still.”

“Oh, yeah we definitely came for you.”

Roger could only giggle at the way Brian slouched back into his seat and put a hand over his heart.

“So you liked it?”

Roger wasn’t sure why Brian keep seeking his approval, since he’d already given it so generously last night following the performance. But he didn’t mind saying it again.

“Yes. You’re an amazing guitar player.”

And so class the rest of the week was good. Their last week. Brian sat next to him every day. Nothing more than chatting went down between them, but it felt like something had shifted. They had always been acquaintances, close proximity classmates, but this felt like real friendship. Roger even added Brian on Snapchat. He hadn’t been using it much, mostly with Freddie, but then he’d noticed Brian in the recommended contacts since he had Brian’s number in his phone. So he figured yeah, what the hell, and added him.

On Thursday that last week of class, the day Roger added Brian on Snapchat, the other man came in giggling. He pointed his phone at Roger and started trying to put filters on him. Roger, uncomfortable but laughing as well, did the same in retaliation. He posted a photo of Brian on his story, one of the other man trying to take a photo of him, with the caption: _two can play that game, bitch_.

It was a relatively relaxed day of class, with it being the second to last one. Rob was more lenient with chatter, and was gone for half the period to let them write reviews for him. As soon as Brian finished filling out his he was back to taking photos of Roger and murmuring things like ‘_ooh that’s a good one!_’ At this point no one in the class was really surprised by their behavior or paying attention. John was skipping to work on a big project for another course, so Roger really didn’t give a shit about preening under Brian’s attention. Roger lingered for a few minutes talking to the girl from their small group and didn’t notice Brian had slipped out.

He pouted a bit and stepped out into the sunshine. But there Brian was, back facing him, sitting criss-cross on the lawn in front of the building. Roger took a few steps toward him and sighed in relief when he patted the spot of grass next to him.

“Excited to graduate?” Brian asked him once Roger had settled onto his bum and turned his face to the warmth of the sun.

“Eh. I guess. Freddie’s throwing me a graduation party.”

Roger wasn’t sure why he said that. It was technically true, but really they just planned on ordering pizza, drinking, and watching High School Musical 3. It wasn’t a party. John was probably going to come, and maybe a Roger’s coworkers. That was it.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. You could...come if you want. I mean it probably won’t be that exciting.”

“Of course I’ll come!” Brian was smiling at him, eyes squinted against the sunlight.. “What day?”

“Thursday next week.”

Roger’s final paper, the one for Rob, was due Wednesday evening. Then he’d be officially done. His family was coming up on Friday to spend the day with him before graduation the next morning. He should probably spend it packing up his room to move back home.

“I’ll be there. I’ve actually got to head to work,” Brian stood up, giving Roger a hand and helping him up as well. “Text me details though, yeah? And I’ll see you tomorrow in class.”

\---

Rob’s class actually was Roger’s last class at university. It was the only class he had that day, and he got a little dressed up for it. Nice pair of jeans, cropped, flowery button down, and a good cream blazer. He even put a few loose curls in his hair. It was dumb, he knew he’d see Brian next week at his party. But he felt sad in general, sad to be graduating. Sad he hadn’t met John sooner. Sad he wouldn’t be living with Freddie anymore.

He didn’t want to go. So dammit, he was going to look cute while he was still there.

He and Brian had been Snapchatting last night. Brian had declared war on him when he finally realized Roger had posted a photo of him on his story. He went out to eat with Freddie and the other man smiled, watching him giggle down at his phone. He was proud of Roger, for inviting Brian to the party. And had admitted he was planning on stealing Roger’s phone and inviting the guitarist if Roger hadn’t.

Brian was at his desk next to Roger’s when Roger came in, eating a donut. Rob had brought two boxes of them from a local bakery. He let the students take free reign of the class period, talking about what they wanted. About the films they’d watched, about dreams they’d had throughout their lives and how they’d analyze them given what they’d learned. Though he didn’t speak, Roger enjoyed it more than most of the classes he’d attended throughout the quarter.

When it came time to leave, Roger kissed John on the cheek and promised to text him over the weekend. Roger couldn’t ignore the way Brian’s eyes trailed down his torso as he tugged his blazer back on, aware of the fact he was exposing a section of his bare stomach. Brian and Roger walked out together, a spring in Roger’s step. He was going to the coffeeshop to meet Freddie for a muffin and a cup of tea, but he had a spare minute to chat to Brian.

“Graduation party still on?” Brian asked him as they headed into another beautiful, sunny afternoon.

“Yep! Hey, I was actually thinking... maybe you’d want to bring your guitar? I’d love to hear you play more.”

It didn’t matter how many times Roger saw Brian smile, he felt a tightening in his stomach with each one.

“If that’s your graduation request, I’ll gladly comply. Text me when you want me over and I’ll be there.”

“Great! We’re watching High School Musical 3, by the way.”

“Fuck, even better.”

They looked at each other for a minute, and Roger knew he was no closer to resolving the feeling between them. He didn’t know why he couldn’t just say it. Or maybe do it. Kiss him. _Something_.

And like he had so many times before, Roger waved to Brian and watched him walk down to the bus stop. This time though, he knew it was the last.

So he watched until the bus came, until Brian had climbed on and disappeared up the steps. Until the bus had pulled away, rounded the corner and vanished completely from view.


End file.
